I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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