the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize