nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
