when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think a kid would responsible me up
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
