Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
