so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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