I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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