I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize