i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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