I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I need help removing her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
