note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
