everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
