i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
