things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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