Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just tell him i said nine months
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
