broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
