last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
