No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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