I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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