GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
