Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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