and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You need Xanax blowdarts
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
