Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
