69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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