I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
