i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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