im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
