Michael Bay diarrhea
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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