i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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