I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
