I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
