Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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