i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
