i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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