I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
