3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize