I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
