Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
