Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
