What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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