If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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