I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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