Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
