Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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