3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
