Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
