The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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