I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
