Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
