If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
