why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
