Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
