I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
