She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
