I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
