Can i not drive my cunt home
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
