This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
