Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
