she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
