why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His nipple licking is glorious
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