Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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