I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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