Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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