He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize