found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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