there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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