Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
