party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
