I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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