Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're like the curious george of whores
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
