you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
