he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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