He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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