u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
