when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
