I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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