I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i now understand why vodka
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
