we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
