Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
