I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
