Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
