Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
