Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this boner is exhausting
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
