VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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