Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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