So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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