everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
