Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These tits shall not be calmed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
