no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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