Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
