for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
