I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
