My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
