I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Shame - the story of my life.
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