i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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