I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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