OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
