so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
