my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
