paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize