those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
