I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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