I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
