I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
